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Here are some thoughts when it comes
to relationships. First, a suggestion: Take it slowly. We'll say it again,
because we think it's that important. Take it slowly! One thing we've hear over and over again is that some
Highly Sensitive People have a habit of moving their romantic relationships
along a little too fast. It seems that women who are highly sensitive may be
harmed by this more than highly sensitive men, but they aren't immune, either.
We think it's probably because people with the trait of high sensitivity are so
often very intuitive and they feel a new relationship is "right" and may tend to
get intimate (sexually) too quickly. Unfortunately, often times "Mr. or Ms.
Right" turns out to really be "Mr. or Ms. Wrong." And, when highly sensitive
people move their relationships along too quickly and get intimate too soon, and
because of hormone Oxytocin, younger women and older men often find themselves
"bonded" to a not-so-nice person. We hope this has never happened to you, but if
you've "been there and done that" you know what we're talking about.
So, again our advice is: Take
it slowly! Next time, please consider taking it much slower and consider
really applying your HSP's "pause-to-check" characteristic to these situations!
We think it may be because
highly sensitive people process deeply and are so feeling-based that they tend
to get physically involved with the new person in their life well before they
really get to know them. Just as importantly, before the new person in their
life can get to know them and recognize them as being highly sensitive. It takes
time to develop the knowledge to navigate successfully and create a 
harmonious relationship, a relationship respecting,
understanding and accepting each others; different traits, characteristics and
temperament, whatever they might be. In addition, we also
recommend you consider looking for equity in a relationship, rather than
equality, and look for someone who complements your personality. Let's hear it
for Yin and Yang!
HSP "Meetup" in West L.A. on Wednesday, July 15, 7:45-9:30 p.m.
Note: I will no longer be giving my Highly Sensitive People talks in Newport
Beach on the first Tuesday of each month because we're now doing the Dr. Pat
Allen "WANT® Training" Classes for Coaches and
Therapists. I invite you to visit Dr. Pat Allen's website www.drpatallen.com to learn more and to
register for this series of classes that so many people have been wanting. And
good news, the Institute is a recognized a 501(c)(3) Non-Profit Educational tax
deductible Organization!
Our HSP "Meetups" in Los
Angeles are held on the 3rd Wednesday of each month 7:45pm until 9:30pm. To find
out more about the L.A. Meetups visit the Internet Links page and click on the
Highly Sensitive People Meetup link to learn more, sign up and join our Meetup
group, and to RSVP.
We meet at the SHARE center,
5521 Grosvenor Blvd., in the Marina del Rey area, 7:45 pm until 9:30pm. (North
of Jefferson Blvd. and west of Centinela, which is west of the 405 Fwy.)
Suggested donation is $10 to help pay for the room.
(Click here for map)
These are sure to be
interesting evenings learning about and discussing the trait of high
sensitivity. If you're an HSP, they'll be evenings of learning to understand
yourself better, and if you're a Non-HSP you'll learn to better understand the
Highly Sensitive People in your life. And, because HSPs make up about 20% of the
population, you are sure to come into contact with many of them, so why not make
the most of those relationships; social, business and romantic.
Some advice for the highly
sensitive guy. We think it's important to have a well rehearsed favorite
"opening line," such as "What brings you there tonight?" and we suggest that you
have it well prepared and rehearsed, because that way while your HSP mind is
processing the all incoming data about the lady you see, you can say something
to her before she's already half way down the block!
Also guys, we strongly suggest
you have a prepared favorite "closing line" at the ready, too. Something as
simple as "I've enjoyed meeting you, can we do it again?" Because when you have
a favorite closing line, ready at hand, you can deliver it before the valet has
the time to put the lady in her car and she's half way home.
As Dr. Pat Allen and her co-author Don Guy say in their new Guy Survival e-books, and are available
for to download from their website www.GuySurvival.com, "Oddly enough, some guys are afraid to pursue a female or even show they are interested, and this
especially true for highly sensitive guys, and this frustrates women."
If you're a highly sensitive guy, there's more good information on the GuySurvival.com website in the form of
downloadable e-Survival Tool e-books. I'm happy to say that in a couple of the books I was asked to contribute my thoughts about sensitive guys.
And, because Dr. Pat Allen and Don Guy thinks this information about HSPs is so important, I've now been invited to write a separate e-Survival Tool e-book
directed especially to the highly sensitive guy. Thank you Pat and Don!
Tip for sensitive single guys:
Have well rehearsed opening and closing lines at the ready and when you see
someone of interest, use them!
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Check out this new DVD from Therapist Dr. Pat Allen. Good
advice from a Cognitive Behavior Therapist who also happens to be a
Highly Sensitive Person...
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Click here to visit www.DrPatAllen.com.
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